Banned from Starbucks for Being Too Considerate

Where Quasimodo admonished me, next to the post in the center

And for about a week, things really were delightful. Until 2024-02-25, when the manager of the Starbucks, who we'll call Quasimodo (Not because I'm protecting his identity, but because I really didn't care enough to bother getting his name and Quasimodo was the first thing I thought of when I saw him), took me aside, into a very common, very public part of the lobby area in front of the Starbucks counter and told me one of his female employees complained that I've been making her "feel uncomfortable". We'll call this particular female employee "K." (this time because I am actually protecting her identity).

Quasimodo (The Manager) Admonishes Me

The chocolates from Beta5, which I gave to "K."

Apparently, Quasimodo heard I had given "K." "gifts", including a box of chocolates from Beta5, and that I had been "occupying her time while she's trying to work".

Quasimodo stated repeatedly, that "K." will not say anything to me about me making her feel uncomfortable, "because of the cultural differences" ("K." being from Japan), but that she did tell him.

Quasimodo told me he couldn't have his employees feeling uncomfortable when they're at work. He told me, when I come in, not to speak to "K.", not to interact with her, to just "stay away from her". I told him I understand, but I said nothing further.

I Suspect Quasimodo Is Jealous and Full of Shit

Quasimodo, supervising by the espresso machines

I was very suspicious of what Quasimodo was saying.

It seemed to me "K." and I had been getting along quite well. Every time I'd go into the store, I was always very mindful of the fact that "K." was working and I made a concerted effort to not distract her from her duties. I am generally very considerate of those around me, and in particular, I am always careful to not do anything that would make a person feel uncomfortable at their place of employment. To that end, I always waited for "K." to initiate any interaction when I entered the store, and I never paid her more attention than what she showed me first.

So, in brief, that brings us to where we are right now.

So, now that you have the gist of what's happened since Quasimodo pulled me aside and ordered me not to talk to "K.", let's review all of my interactions with "K." leading up to that point.

Undoubtedly, there are those fanatics amongst you who have already decided I'm a creepy stalker and what Quasimodo did was exactly the right thing. Well, keep reading then tell me what you think.

The First Interaction (2024-02-14)

The counter, where the cash registers are (where the guy in black, red and blue is standing)

If I recall correctly, it was some time before noon. The store's grand opening was a few days prior. I think this was my second or third time in the store over the past few days. I have no recollection of ever seeing "K." before this.

• "K." was working at the cash register. There were no other customers waiting for orders or in line.
• I ordered a Grande Pike.
• "K." was very cheery and bubbly.
• When "K." gave me the drink, I noted her name on her name tag and said "Thank you, K" (of course, I called her by her name, not by "K").
• "K." responded "Yes, that's my name". She smiled a lot and was cheery.
• I exited the store.

The Second Interaction (2024-02-16)

It was probably some time in the early afternoon, I don't remember.

The food display case, on the left of the cash registers

• Another male staff was at the cash register. There were one or two other staff members present as well.
• "K." was behind the food display case, presumably restocking. She was getting things out of the refrigerator. Her back was to me and she didn't see me.
• I ordered a Grande Pike from the cashier.
• While I was interacting with the cashier, "K." stood up, then noticed me.
• I looked at "K.". She looked like she wanted to say something, so while I was talking to the cashier, I looked over at her a few times to give her the opportunity to speak, but the cashier kept speaking as well so my attention kept shifting between them.
• When the cashier finished speaking, I turned to "K." so she could have an opportunity to speak.
• She said to me "Your name has an 'R' right? Like 'ra'?"
• I held up my phone, with the Starbucks app open (because it shows my name on it), and said "No, it's Fox".
• "K." looked puzzled or uncertain what to say.
• The cashier said "Thanks, Fox".
• As I turned to leave, I turned back to "K." and said "But I remember you. You were so happy the other day."
• Then I turned and exited the store.

The Third Interaction (2024-02-17)

The espresso machines, on the right of the cash registers

• "K." was at the espresso machine, making a drink. [Editor's Note: That's not her in the photo above.]
• A male staff was at the cash register.
• When "K." saw me she smiled and waved and her typical, cheery manner.
• I ordered a Grande Pike from the cashier.
• The cashier gave me the drink and I turned to the right, to where the pickup station is.
• The cup was hot and there was no sleeve, so I went to the pickup station to get a sleeve, but there weren't any there.
• The pickup station, at the right end of the counter
  I waited until a staff (any staff) was available and came near. It happened to be "K.". I wasn't waiting, specifically, for her; she just happened to be the one that came into the proximity of the pickup station. I said to her "Pardon me, K. May I have a sleeve, please?"
• She turned to get me a sleeve and brought it to me.
• After she handed to me, she said "Thank you for remembering my name."
• I responded, "Of course".
• Then she returned to the espresso machine and I exited the store.

On each of those days I may, or may not have also gone into the store to get a coffee when "K." wasn't present, but those events were not significant enough for me to have remembered and they would have no relevance to this.

• I arrived at the store around 10:30am. I ordered a Grande Pike.
• The staff that handed me the drink is one that I understand socializes with "K." outside the store. She is the one I left the chocolates with a few days prior. She told me, after I left them with her she took a picture of them and texted them to "K.", and that "K." was very happy about it.
• I sat at the table on the right, along the bench, closest to the pickup station.
• "K." did not appear to be working. I did not inquire whether she was.
• Around 11am, Quasimodo came over and said "Can I have a word with you over here?"
• The post, near the pickup station, where Quasimodo told me not to talk to "K."
  I followed him to the other side of the trash recepticles next to the post, near the pickup station.
• Quasimodo told me "one of his female staff told him I've been making her uncomfortable". He said he understands I've been giving her gifts and occupying her time while she's working.
• I said "I understand". And that "it was never my intention to make anyone feel uncomfortable."
• He told, because of her culture, being from Japan, she won't say anything to me about it because that's not her way, but that she feels very uncomfortable with what I've been doing.
• He sternly told me that when I come in I should not talk to her, not interact with her, that I should just stay away from her. He said he cannot have his staff feeling uncomfortable, and I can't be occupying their time when they're trying to work.
• I did not refute anything that he said. I just told him I understand. I expressly did not tell him about any of "K's" actions toward me. In the event he was lying, or that he had a thing for "K.", I did not want to give him a reason to take anything out on her.
• Quasimodo said, he's sure my intentions were good but it just has to stop.
• I asked him if he could tell me when the complaint was made. I was wondering to myself if it was before or after the flowers, but I didn't tell him about the flowers and he made no mention of them. I suspected he knew about the chocolates because I had left them with the staff of the store and I assume they remained at that store over night. The flowers, on the other hand, were given directly to "K.".
• He said he can't tell me that because of the employee's privacy.
• He then said he has to ensure the safety of his employees. I found this somewhat troubling. As though he was implying I was some kind of threat.
• I also expressly did not disclose ANY information about any of my interactions with "K.". Something about him just seemed very sleazy.
• I was very skeptical of what Quasimodo was telling me, because it seemed to me that all of my interactions with "K." had been positive. Neither she, nor any of the other staff had given any indication that "K." was not comfortable with me. In fact, at least two other staff who seemed to be friends with "K." outside of the store, seemed to believe her and I were getting along very well.
• When Quasimodo was finished interacting with me, I noticed he then went and spoke with a security guard who glanced at me.
• I returned to my table and began packing up my things.
• I left the store.
• I returned to the store around 12:30pm to get a Grande Pike to go.
• When I entered the lobby, I noticed Quasimodo see me, then walk over to a security guard. That security guard then took a position about 15 feet behind me and hovered there. Quasimodo went and sat at a table near the elevators, in direct view of the counter.
• I did not see "K.". I assumed she was not working.
• The staff that brought me the drink was the same one I interacted with earlier that day ("K's" friend?). When she handed me the drink, I said, "Your manager told me this morning that 'K.' told him I've been making her feel uncomfortable."
• When I said this, it seemed to me the staff's face froze and she just looked at me.
• I said "If that's the case, maybe you could give her my sincerest apologies. It was never my intention to make her feel uncomfortable. And, um, I'll get my coffee elsewhere because I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable."
• The staff said nothing. She just looked at me, frozen. I think she was a little shocked, but that's just my perception. I accept the possibility that her reaction might have been because "K." or Quasimodo may have already said something to her about it and she was just caught off guard by me mentioning it.
• I turned and left the store.

Following my interaction with Quasimodo, I was very troubled by what he had told me. On the one hand, I believed he was full of crap and he was angry and/or jealous that I had been getting along with "K.". On the other hand, if he was telling the truth, then I didn't want to do anything which would cause "K." to continue feeling uncomfortable.

But if "K." hadn't said that, and I just stopped coming by, she might take it personally. She might think I was blowing her off. And I certainly didn't want to be responsible for treating someone so poorly as that. What to do, what to do?

I decided to file a complaint with the Starbucks head office. Explaining what had happened, and my concerns that Quasimodo might be making a false claim. But also, my acceptance that his claim could, possibly, be true. I told them that if it turns out Quasimodo was lying about "K." complaining I was making her feel uncomfortable, that would be a very serious matter and I would be very disappointed. I requested the look into the matter and determine the truth of what happened. Well, fuck it, rather than telling you what I said in the complaint, here I'll just copy/paste it into a blockquote:

[Initial Complaint (2024-02-25) (Case # CS7681017)]

I have been attending this location on a daily basis for the past few weeks. Over that time I have gotten to know some of the staff. With the exception of the incident I am writing about, the service has been exceptional and I commend the staff on their professionalism and friendliness.

However, this morning, the manager asked to have a word with me. He told me that one of the employees had complained that I have been making them "feel uncomfortable". The employee in question is "K.".

On 2024-02-22, I gave "K." a box of chocolates from a local shop. I did this because, on a number of visits in the days prior, "K." had come over to the table where I was sitting, in the store, and given me similar "presents" (as she called them), of snacks that she had. So, I was merely reciprocating the gesture. I want to emphasize, though, that "K's' friendliness and kind gestures are the main reason I thought so highly of that location and have been going there every day. I certainly hope that she will not be reprimanded for being too nice.

Then, when I went in yesterday, "K." seemed to be avoiding me, didn't say hello, or acknowledge my presence at all. I assumed I had done something to upset her. After I left, I went upstairs to the grocery store and got her some flowers to go along with my apology for whatever it was I had done to upset her. I emphasize, this was not a romantic gesture - it was done purely as someone who thought he had upset a friend, and I was clear with her about that.

Over the past couple of weeks, since meeting "K.", whenever I go into the store I always allow her to initiate any interaction (rather than me initiating it), and I am always mindful of the fact that she is working. To that end, I always refrain from interacting with her other than when I am making or picking up my order. I also refrain from looking at her while she's working, because I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable. When she's working I essentially ignore her (unless, of course, she's explicitly addressing me). I am sure this is all captured in security videos.

Often, when I go into the store, even if she's not the person that takes my order she will make the drink and bring it to me (I usually get a Grande Pike). Even if she's working at the espresso machine, she will still pour the Pike and bring it to the counter, handing it to me personally. This just does not seem like the behavior of somebody who feels uncomfortable with me.

In the event, "K." did tell the manager that I've been making her feel uncomfortable, then I extend my sincerest apologies to her and to all the staff of the store. I have told the staff of what the manager said to me, and that I will go elsewhere for my coffee because I do not, under any circumstance, want to make "K." (or anyone else at the store) feel uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if "K." did not say that, and the manager was being dishonest about it then I would be very, very disappointed. If it's just a matter of Starbucks' policy discouraging staff from being too friendly with customers then he should have said that. To falsely claim that my conduct is causing a particular female staff, with whom I was under the impression I had been getting along with quite well, uncomfortable is, to say the least, disturbing.

So, I just wanted to make you aware of this situation because: 1) if "K." did feel uncomfortable then I completely respect that and will go to another Starbucks location; and 2) if the manager, for whatever reason, falsely claimed "K." said she felt uncomfortable, then I believe that is a very serious matter which I would hope you would address appropriately.

And here's Starbucks' response [emphasis added]:

Hello Fox,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks. I just finished reading your email and appreciate your taking the time to share your concerns with us.

Fox, I really appreciate you taking the time to explain this situation that was just a confusion. I want to assure you that I fully documented your experience, and I've shared your comments with the store's management team for their review. Causing you any inconvenience is the last thing we want to do.

Thanks again for writing us. If you ever have any questions or concerns in the future, please don't hesitate to get in touch!

Sincerely,
Marvin B.
Starbucks Customer Care

I later realized there was some further information I should have included in the complaint, so I submitted the following:

[Follow Up (2024-02-25) (Case # CS7681456)]

My apologies, further to my previous message (Case # CS7681017), there is some additional information which I believe may be relevant.

Often, when I leave the store, "K." will tell me when she works next and ask me if I will be coming in. I tell her, sure. In particular, on 2024-02-23, as I was leaving, "K." told me she's working from 1pm to 7pm on the next day, and she asked me if I'm going to come in. I told her I would. She smiled and said she'd see me then.

Again, this just doesn't seem consistent with someone who feels uncomfortable with me.

I really hope you will look into this matter and do whatever you deem is necessary or appropriate.

Thank you.

And again, here's Starbucks' response [emphasis added]:

Hello Fox,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks. I just finished reading your email and appreciate you taking the time to share your concerns with us.

Fox, I appreciate you letting me know about this situation. We strive to ensure every customer is satisfied with our business, and I apologize for any way we may have inconvenienced you. I'll be glad to assist you with this matter.

Thanks for taking the time to share further details about the experience you had at Loblaws City Market The Post. I want to assure you that I've shared your comments with the appropriate team for their review. Please be sure your voice will be heard.

We're always excited to receive feedback from our loyal customers about their Starbucks experience. You know better than anyone else what you want from us. We are constantly looking for ways to improve the quality of our products and service to create enthusiastically satisfied customers.

Thanks again for writing us. If you ever have any questions or concerns in the future, please don't hesitate to get in touch.

All the best for today!

Kind Regards,
Patricia C
Starbucks Customer Care

I then figured I would wait to hear back from Starbucks [Editor's Note: As of 2024-03-15, we have not heard back from Starbucks.]. If they found that "K." had actually said I was making her feel uncomfortable, then that's fine, I would respect her perception on the matter - irrational and misguided as it may be - and get on with other things.

In the meantime, I started frequenting the Starbucks at Richards and Robson to get my regular doses of coffee.

Today, 2024-03-02, I was walking over to the Richards and Robson store to get a coffee to bring home. As I'd mentioned, to get from my place to the Richards and Robson store I, literally, have to walk right past the The Post store. There is no other reasonably direct route.

I got about 20 feet past the entrance and stopped. I thought to myself, "This is fucking ridiculous! I didn't do anything inappropriate, and I certainly didn't do anything which would cause a reasonable, sane person to feel uncomfortable around me. I shouldn't have to walk the extra two blocks just to go up to the counter and get a coffee. And besides, Quasimod never told me I can't or even shouldn't come in to the store. He just said, when I do, don't talk to or interact with 'K.'."

So, I turned around and entered the lobby of The Post. As I approached the line at the Starbucks, I took out my phone and loaded the Starbucks app.

Within a few seconds of getting into the line, I noticed two security guards walking over toward me. One called out "You're Patrick Fox, right?"

I replied "Sorry, what was that?"

He said "You're name is Patrick Fox, right?"

I said "Yes, I'm Patrick Fox."

Security guy said "You can't be here. You've been banned."

I was genuinely puzzled for a fraction of a moment. Nobody told me I wasn't allowed to go to the Starbucks at The Post. I said "Banned? Why?"

Captain Safe Lobby responded "We've received a complaint about you from an employee of the Starbucks."

"So am I banned from the Starbucks or from the entire lobby?" I asked.

The security guard responded "You're banned from the entire building."

I said "Wow! And what exactly did I do to get banned.

Security Dude said "I don't know. You'd have to speak to my supervisor about that."

Then I requested his supervisor's information and assured him I would be having words with that person first thing Monday morning.

I left the lobby and dragged my skrawny, 5 foot 5 ass all the way over to Richards and motherfucking Robson.

This time, given my interaction with the two security guards, there was nothing to debate. I would definitely be giving Starbucks a piece of my mind on this.

At that point, I was thinking either: a) "K." had filed a complaint with the building security, claiming she was afraid for her safety, which would be completely irrational and implausible; or b) Quasimodo heard about the complaint I had filed last weekend and, in a petty, little girl fit of rage, filed a false complaint with the building security. Either way, such a complaint was completely unfounded and unjustified.

So, here's what I sent Starbucks head office:

[Complaint (2024-03-02) (Case # CS7775887)]

Further to my recent comments (Case # CS7681017 and CS7681456), I am writing now regarding an extremely troubling event which just occurred.

Since 2024-02-25, when the manager at the Starbucks at The Post told me he received a complaint from his employee, "K.", that I was making her feel uncomfortable, I have refrained from attending that location. I have instead, been going to the location at Richards and Robson, even though it is two blocks farther and where I am staying is, literally, only one block from The Post. I have been doing this as a courtesy because I do not want to make "K." (or anyone else) uncomfortable.

However, today at about 2pm, as I was walking past the Starbucks at The Post on my way to Richards and Robson, I decided this is ridiculous! I didn't do anything inappropriate and I certainly didn't do anything which would cause a reasonable person to "feel uncomfortable". I should not have to walk the extra two blocks just to spend 30 seconds at the counter ordering a Grande Pike.

I turned around and entered the area of the Starbucks in the lobby of The Post. I got in line. Moments later, two security guards approached me, addressed me by name ("Patrick Fox"), and informed me I can't be there because I've been banned from the building. I asked them, "Am I banned just from the Starbucks area or from the entire lobby?" They said I'm banned from the entire building.

I asked them why I'm banned. He said all he can tell me is they've received a complaint from an employee of Starbucks. He said I would have to speak to his supervisor to find out anything further. I took his supervisor's name and contact information and I intend to have words with him first thing Monday.

I find this whole situation extremely offensive! I've never harmed, threatened, or done anything deliberately to cause any person to be afraid of, or uncomfortable with me. Even in THIS situation - the manager never told me I couldn't still go to that Starbucks, he just told me not to talk to or interact with "K.". I was the one that chose to stop going there all together, as a courtesy in the event the claim I had made "K." uncomfortable was true.

Given this development, you can be absolutely certain I will be preparing an article about this whole situation and submitting it to my editor.

And here's Starbucks' response to this complaint [emphasis added]:

Hello Patrick,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks. I just finished reading your email and appreciate you taking the time to share your concerns with us.

Patrick, I'm sorry to hear the experience that you had in the in the lobby of The Post, I completely understand how you feel with this as I would feel the same way. I will be more than glad to take a look into this matter for you.

I really appreciate your feedback, I just forwarded your comments to the department in charge including the Loblaws City Market The Post Store Manager for further review. We are always looking for feedback from our loyal customers about the Starbucks experience because you know better than anyone else what you want from Starbucks.

Please remember that we are here for help you. If you ever have any questions or concerns in the future, please don't hesitate to get in touch.

Have a wonderful day!

Sincerely,
Jessenia R.
Starbucks Customer Care

And one final note to all you insane fanatics who think every man is a stalker and a rapist and beats their wives, and are surely going to be screaming that I'm obsessed and I have to be locked up and it's only a matter of time until I do something horrible to that poor girl: Just go shut the fuck up! Don't go getting your uterus all twisted up like you always do. Not every man is a rapist stalker who beats his wife - in fact 99.99999% of all men aren't.

While I admit "K." is very cute and I enjoyed her company:

1. I have a few top priority objectives right now, like getting back to LA and getting on with my life, and proving I'm not guilty of committing criminal harassment and that my ex-wife is just a lying, manipulating, sociopath. Anything more than a casual flirtation with a girl at Starbucks, who's last name I don't even know, is not conducive with the pursuit or achievement of those objectives.
2. I'm being held captive in Canada by the Canadian and BC governments who seem intent on ensuring I never leave this cesspool of mediocrity and misery, and return home. It's no secret I hate it here, and I hate absolutely everything about this country, province and city. That doesn't leave much to talk about on a date with someone who actually came here by choice and probably likes it here. Not to mention, due to this, romantic interludes are extremely low on my list of priorities at this time.
3. She's 25 years younger than me. Obviously, I have no issues with dating younger women (I am a man, after all), but realistically 25 year old women aren't generally into 50 year old men. I am not demented enough to delude myself into believing there was ever any chance of that.
4. She's way out of my league. I usually end up with mentally unstable, deranged, sociopaths because that's what I'm familiar with and we have a tendency to gravitate toward what we're familiar with.
5. Given the outrageous state of chaos and disarray my life has been in since the BC government started trying to force me to take down these websites in 2016, there is absolutely nothing positive that I could possibly contribute to her life. So why waste her time and energy on something that could only bring her suffering and misery? What would be the point of that?
6. I am probably one of the most rational, scientific, objective people you will ever encounter. I don't believe in love and emotions (not because I've "been hurt" or because I'm cynical and jaded; because I'm intelligent and rational and I know that emotions are just conditioned responses that people subconsciously cause themselves to encounter because they don't know any better). The odds of me "falling for some" or becoming obssessed with someone based on emotion or infatuation is incredibly unlikely.

So calm the fuck down, already. "K." is just a girl I had some pleasant interactions with at the Starbucks. What I'm pissed off about here is not that Quasimodo interfered with me and "K." falling in love and getting married and raising children - it's that either somebody is making false allegations against me (again), or somebody is making completely unfounded, irrational claims against me (again), and that, as a result, I am being subjected to adverse consequences AGAIN!.

Anyone who has dealt with me for more than 20 minutes knows I am calm, rational, scientific, and the farthest thing from romantic, emotional, or sentimental.

So go find some other male to focus your man-hating rage on.

Cheers!